So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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