You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
