is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
