Soap is not a condiment
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
