Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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