i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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