too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm like, not good at living.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
