The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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