Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
