i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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