I cannot find my penis.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
