dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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