I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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