Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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