girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Welp...herpes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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