PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
