Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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