You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
