We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
