so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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