alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
