He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
