I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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