Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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