Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
