He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
