i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You are the jesus of drinking
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
