I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
