I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There are leaves in my underwear?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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