I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why do cheetos always look like penises
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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