I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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