It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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