New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
