I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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