I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
