ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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