sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
