you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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