If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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