My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
