Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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