i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
