He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
