I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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