There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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