woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
