I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
