U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
