So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
