she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
