I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
