Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
