They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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